Whew, I am exhausted… this could be the adrenal fatigue I am recovering from (more about that in another post), or it could be I traveled to NYC from Chicago and back by car in 4 days. This exhaustion is a good feeling though, it’s invigorating! The difference I think is that I am on a fulfilling journey that is finally my own.
You see, about 16 months ago, I decided to say one simple “yes”. It is a “yes” that I knew I needed to say for many years, decades even. I just didn’t have the courage to say it. I thought saying this “yes” would make me a selfish person and made me feel guilty. I believed the lie I told myself and I was in a sense dazed and confused about life, my role in it, my responsibilities and what I was in fact free to do.
This “yes” was to myself. I asked myself that day in April 2017, “Am I living a life for me?” See, simple stuff here. Likely a question I had asked myself hundreds of times before. But each of those other times before this my answer was “no”. Certainly at the moment I said “yes” my life looked very different, and I was not actually living a life for me. By changing my answer to “yes” and proclaiming it spoken and in writing, I changed the course of my life indefinitely.
Now, I want to mention that I am a spiritual person. I do live a Christian way of life and philosophy. I believe in my Higher Power and I know It’s always got my back. This was the key to finally being ready to say “yes”. Through the help of friends who are much wiser than me, I was able to find my Higher Power and build a relationship.
Ok, cool, so what’s the big deal? How about a completely different life! One without the constant guilt and shame I felt. A life that I am excited in the morning to greet. One with possibilities that do not seem hopeless and dreams that are within reach. A life where I am able to focus on my health and actually feel like a normal human for the first time in years.
So what’s the catch? There is one thing to consider when saying “yes” to yourself. You have to realize that in order to do so, you must say “no” to other things. I was the best, like seriously, I’d win a gold medal, in saying “yes” to everyone and everything else. Some of those things I enjoyed a lot, and other things I dreaded doing. But in saying “yes” to those things, I said “no” to myself… over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, I still love helping my family and friends and volunteering at church and in my community. But before I say “yes” to those things, I now ask myself “am I doing this with a song in my heart or with resentment?”
Since this revelation, I have participated in my very first beauty pageant, I started my own business (one that I am super passionate about). I’ve connected with amazing people and made some incredible friendships. I’ve traveled to Arizona and New York, and I found physical healing through the help of a naturopath. Now that I am living in a better harmony with my body, mind and spirit, the Universe is opening up all kinds of incredible opportunities to me. Ones that I can “yes” to with an absolute song in my heart.