It’s November 1st. This means different things to each of us. For some, it is the first day of the holiday season. Retail stores are absolutely decked out in Christmas decorations and holiday colors. For others, this day marks the excitement and anticipation of the holidays. You may be looking forward to reconnecting with family and friends, taking holiday trips, or finally buying that Mercedes with the big red bow on it…
I apologize for any disenchantment in this post, but for me, November 1st pretty much marks the beginning of winter for me. I think I could in fact live the life of a bear, hibernating from November 1st to March 30th and being just fine with skipping everything in between. Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays and all the merriment… I just think we should be spreading good will and cheer all year round. I also live in the Chicago area (so our climate is pretty bleak this time of year). Perhaps if I lived in Arizona, Hawaii or even Florida, I might feel different about these next couple of months. But alas, I am a Midwest girl, so I suffer from S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and use a “happy light”<— an actual thing.
In my meditations this time of year, I visualize being on a beach. The sand is hot, but I can sink my toes into it just deep enough to find coolness. There are waves ahead of me, lightly crashing onto the shore as if they are nudging me to step into the water. I step into the waves, just enough to get my feet wet up to my ankles and the water is …..
… Ok, here’s the point in my meditations where I completely fall of track and start thinking about random things. Meditating makes me anxious because I constantly feel like I am doing it wrong. Am I doing it wrong? Is there a right way?
So the other day, my mind wandered off as I stepped into the waves. I thought about how as a child, I was never the kid who just “jumped in” the water. I would find the steps or the ladder and very slowly and carefully walk in about to my waist line before just dunking in all the way.
I realize now this has been a pattern my whole life, not just in the water, but in all my endeavors. I proceed with caution even when I’m really excited about something. Perhaps it comes from the fear of disappointment. If I did not get my hopes up about something and it fell through, I wouldn’t be so hurt. It was my way of protecting myself from false promises and the “let down”.
The cool thing about this pattern that I noticed though, was that once I’m “in the water” I don’t want to get out. I’m staying in until my fingers are wrinkled and I can do the perfect somersault. I think to myself “it took so dang long to get into the water, I have to make the most of it now.” The “getting in” is the uncomfortable part, but once you are submerged, you feel warm and light and free.
I’m a loyal friend, a dedicated wife, a determined employee. Once I’m in, I’m in all the way. Full attention and energy, full speed ahead.
It’s this dedication that is driving me to spend long hours at night after a full day at work studying sales funnels and building my empire. There’s no time for chatting on the phone, mindlessly watching TV or late night snacking. I’m all in. This is it. I’m in the water folks, and I’m not coming out until I have mastered the perfect hand stand.
… a hand stand.. I was never very good at gymnastics. I can barely do a cartwheel…
Oh that was the point in my meditation where I completely started thinking about my unhealthy childhood and my inability to do acrobatics. But that my friends is for another blog post another night.
Meditating makes me uncomfortable. I suppose I’m still wading in the water up to my knees on that one, but I trust that once I completely just dunk in, I’ll be some sort of guru.